North Korea's diminutive leader Kim Jong-il has banned all coverage of next summer's World Cup finals - aside from allowing brief biased highlight's of any game that the Communist state wins.

The country have qualified for their first World Cup finals in 44 years, but the general public will see very little of the action, as Kim Jong-il's oppressive regime has ordered state-run television to broadcast only North Korean victories.

All this despite the fact that the supreme leader apparently took all of the credit for the Chollima's successful qualification campaign, insisting that it was his inspirational leadership that saw Kim-Jong Hun's side through.

There will be absolutely no mention of a North Korean loss, while highlights will be heavily edited, meaning the North Korean coverage will be even more biased than Jim Beglin co-commentating on a Liverpool game!

Advertising at the matches and the faces of opposition fans will be blurred out according to the demands of the oppressive regime, while only Kim-Jong-il and his associates will be able to take in matches featuring other countries.

This means that the people of North Korea will not even find out who turns out to be the eventual world champions, unless 350-1 outsiders North Korea pull off the greatest upset ever and lift the Jules Rimet trophy themselves.

"Like everything else there, the regime will have complete control over the World Cup," North Korea expert Mike Breen told The Sun.

"North Korea will not pay for the TV rights, which means they will not be able to screen live games on state television.

"Only the ruling elite with access to other satellite channels will be able to watch games involving other countries.

"Once North Korea are knocked out, I would be amazed if there were any mention of the World Cup at all."

Maybe Kim-Jong-il will be singing this song as he watches the action unfold in the secure comfort of his own living room.